Syahmi's Birthday Bash

He is the nephew of my very long time good friend… Sarimah a.k.a my punching bag. Anyway, it’s vice versa… biasala, if I could not channel my feeling to the party involved, Sarimah will be the target so is me to her. If she could not let out what she felt over certain things or people, I had to be the one that she will scold and yelled at. Fairla kan?

I am quite reluctant to attend the party, with the limited sources that I have lately. Furthermore I have somehow forgotten how to socialize, especially in Birthday Party (part of the reason why I normally try to run away on my birthdays). But she already threatened me!! This is what she said…”Di Kalau ko tak datang, ko memang Si*l, ba*I, ce**ka, aku bunuh ko rosdi, memang aku bunuh ko!!!” begitula adanya.. So with much hesitation, I have to drag my feet to KFC Setia Tropika that night. Tho her threat didn’t scares me a bit, out of ‘symphaty’ I had to go, give her some face la kan?

As usual, ‘artiste’ must come in later (aku sesat sebenarnya).. make the grand entrance… hahaha.. though nobody noticed me when I walk in to the KFC. It was cool, I mean the people and the kids and the crowds not to mention the birthday boy who’s very cute! But I hate the mascot!! The dance over lady gaga’s song and some club tunes!! On a 1 yr old boy’s birthday! Doesn’t make sense.. Nak aja aku suap mascot tuh dengan fried chicken dalam barrel tu. Biar dia tau sesungguhnya dia sepatutnya digoreng mcm that original resepi.

Anyway, glad that everybody’s happy.. here are some pictures I snapped during the birthday party…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYAHMI.. TRUST THAT YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL ONE THIS YEAR (THO I BELIEVE YOU WOULDN’T REMEMBER ANY OF IT)

Muahh!! Some birthday kiss from Uncle Rosdi, that some time in the future, kalau uncle mati.. Syahmi boleh look back and agree that this uncle is also as cute as Syahmi!

The Curse of Karma

Probably most of us heard about this game called dominoes. Where you placed or arranged the tiles according to numbers. There are few games can be played through this domino tiles but I’m not here to teach about how it is played, if u insisted, then I would suggest that you take a tour to toys ‘r’ us to get the tiles where it comes with the manual instructions.

From where I grew up, this domino game is called ‘batu lacak’. My dad used to play this in the late afternoon with his friend when he’s old.. just to kill time. Just like most mothers like to hang around each other in the afternoon discussing about their families, television programmes or turn of events.

To some people, it is just a matter of arranging the tiles that makes the game monotonous and boring because it is based solely on luck or what tiles you get in hands, but to those who mastered it, is about winning the rally and controlling the games and the opponents.

This game is very popular to my siblings recently, the source of the chaotic relationships, numerous laughter, numerous fighting and drama in real life. Ok, let me rephrase, it is popular among the female siblings, where the male ones normally join in when there is a spot or opening.. except me, I am always invited to join in for the opening act.. now I’m confused of my gender already. Duhhh! The one we had have 28 tiles that allow 4 players in any game. The contender would normally be Jijah (my eldest sister), Roy (my second sister), Ina (the youngest among all sisters, Misi (my sister in-law) or Me (The Soul Sister.. hahaha), there would be some on the sides like Erin, Efa and Nelly (they are my nieces) and Lan (my brother), so you see how the female dominating the games in my family even though we have the equal amount of both genders?

This game can be fun if everybody doesn’t get too worked up by the results or have the feeling of rising above the others. Take Ina for instance, she won’t admit defeat as the lack of her ability or lady luck didn’t smile upon her at that point of time. She would take it personally that we are either sabotaging her, or the people next to her didn’t know how to control the game and as a result, storming out of the game and say mostly unpleasant things especially to Jijah – her rival of all time, being in or out of the games. As for Jijah, mocking or provoking is her middle name. If you don’t want to play, she’ll provoke you as being a loser or even, walk you down the guilt trip of how you ill-treated your family members compared to your friends or stuffs like that.

As for Roy, when she’s in the game, she could stay up for hours and insist that everybody not to step out of the game even if it means sacrificing your beauty sleep! And it always amazes me on how she could stay energetic without sleep for a couple of days just for the thought of playing dominoes (the only time they stop is when they are doing the daily chores, like clean up the house, cooking, eating and such)! Crazy huh?! So you imagine the hardship that the rest had to go through, just to keep up with that. Bailing out means defeat, and defeat means have to swallow the pride of being a loser! Sadistic eh?!

As for Misi, she is the tag along player.. you play mean she plays, if you didn’t then she’s also ok with it. Perhaps she can be defined as ‘a no heart’ player then. But she get the most lenient conditions as to play or not, because she runs the stall and still have a small girl to attend to. So anytime she needs to bail from the game, Lan or the rest can always jump in for her.

Me? I am always the neutral one.. the best of all. What else can I say? That is really me and furthermore this is my blog.. of course I could be the Hero right?

Anyway, there’s always a good and bad that can come out of this game, I shed some bad things about it, but to sum up the whole thing, I could say that it is the one that makes us happy. Just to be around the family members.. gathered at that table, making plans, bonded and united. You maybe don’t get or see it, but as one of them, I get to feel it.

My sisters, the hardcore player.. from left - Jijah, Ina (at the far end), Roy, the one with the hands on the head, and the nearest is Misi.

I don't feel you any longer

'It’s much too often that you are the one who do the things you claimed you won't do, breaking the promises that you have made, make things worst when you said that it will be better, put every other things so significant before my’very’self ‘, I started to feel that my heart is getting even colder and slowly turned to stone … When you could not think that my feelings are important, I am sorry to tell you that your are no longer my ‘priority’ too…’

That Noisy Bed

Termenung atas katil dok memikir about my other half. Apa yang duk berlegar kat dalam kepala hotak aku sekarang is about; yang pertamanya trust, yang keduanya kejujuran dan ketelusan. Funny that this is the issue yang aku fikirkan, knowing me, pernah ke aku peduli? Perhaps not, and to make it even worst, one of my friend pernah cakap, ‘when you start wondering or thinking about it, that doesn’t mean you care, as you DON’T!, but when you start thinking about it, that mean you are either simply finding faults or you’re trying to figure out way on how to GET EVEN!’

Lost?! So do I! It started days ago, when we pour our hearts out on that very dining table. About how we expect to be treated, about how we felt betrayed, wounded and humiliated. Relationship is very complicated and I hate it now, more than ever. But too bad, am already in too deep.

That night, MA already promised that all the flirting will lessen, gradually – and for the first time, I believed it. Bayangkan, Ross believed it! Crap!! This morning, I glanced through MA’s phone only to find out that there’s a new sizzling hot messages that at the time I read it, I don’t feel disappointed – except for the part that I believed it the other night! I laughed at myself for being a little stupid but more better, I laugh that this mean I will have the opportunity to do the very same.

You guys should see how it happened. My wooden bed always making a cracking sound whenever we move – this morning MA got into the shower and I was in bed. I got up to reach for the newspaper that I bought few days ago but haven’t got the chance to read it, and so the bed was making that rocking sound again when I move. When I was at the edge of the bed, I saw MA’s phone on the shelf below the looking glass. I only looked at it once since it was bought a few days ago. Curious, I held it – thinking that perhaps I’d have a look at the features, and when I slide it up… there was an envelope icon so inviting that I could not help myself from pressing the button to get into that folder (now I question myself that I’m not being trustworthy for checking the phone without MA’s permission) . There’s this message which I found so intriguing and in some other ways quite annoying to me, and at the same time, I saw the shower’s door is being opened slowly as to not wanting me to hear, and I realized that MA’s checking what I was doing.

I had to put down the phone without having the delights of checking some other messages that look as suspicious. And I heard MA was turning off the shower tap. That was quick, and yes, thanks to that cracking bed.. Duhhhhhh!!! Otherwise, I could have checked lots. And I was wondering what makes MA so nervous about the phone? Does he has something inside it that he doesn’t want me to know? Or he was worried that the flirting will make me mad? Or what? I don’t know.. I was ok since that night we talked but now, there’s a new lump in this chest that disturbed me. I hardly breathe… guys, help me, what shall I do?

Owh, and my caller ring tone sounds like this…

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

Oohh, I love the way you lie, oohh

Tak relevant langsung but who cares kan?

Segalanya MUNGKIN

Segalanya hampir tak terluah, aku tak tahu bagaimana harus menzahirkan rasa yang tersirat dalam hati. Walaupun aku tau, saratnya kekecewaan yang bersarang dalam dada. Sebahagian besarnya adalah tentang ‘dia’. Walau berkali aku tegaskan yang aku lebih mengamalkan sikap terbuka dalam berhubungan, namun itu tidak membuatkan dia bertindak dan bersikap lebih jujur. Aku tahu, salah satu sebab mungkin datangnya dari diriku sendiri; yang baginya tidak akan mengalah walau dalam apa keadaan jua sekalipun.

Mungkin baginya, aku terlalu ego, namun aku kira, dia tidak pernah belajar tentang bagaimana mau memenangi hatiku. Dia hanya tunjukkan, pada firasatnya, apa yang perlu dia tunjukkan. Mungkin bagi sesetengah orang, itu sudah memadai…

Mungkin kerana itu juga, dia cuba mendekati yang ‘lain’, dan ya, aku kecewa sedikit, mungkin juga terluka. Tapi, jika itu yang membuatkan dia lebih gembira, aku redha. Jika takdirnya perlakuan aku mengakibatkan dia berpaling pada yang lain, aku terima. Jika bahagia untuknya terletak ditangan yang lain, aku akan berusaha untuk mendoakannya.

Mungkin aku bukan yang terbaik, 11 bulan aku cuba mengekang godaan yang datang bertubi tubi dari insan lain, hanya untuk dia. Walaupun secara lisan, aku selalu menyebut tentang realiti berlainan, sebenarnya hanya untuk membuatkan dia rasa cemburu. Mungkin kerana itu jua yang membuatkan rasanya beralih arah? Entahlah, jika ya, mungkin rasa sayangnya pada aku tidak utuh walaupun apa yang diungkapkan adalah bertentangan…

Aku selalu gundah, bila dia sering melafazkan yang dia amat menyayangiku, kerana aku yakin, ayat2 itu yang akan menduganya, yang juga akan menduga aku. Ternyata kata sayang dari mulutnya bukan sekadar untuk diriku sahaja, kata rindu dari bibirnya, juga milik insan lain.

Mungkin dia sudah bersedia untuk mengosongkan sedikit ruang dihatinya untuk insan lain. Jika begitu, aku tidak akan menghalang biarpun akhirnya aku yang akan tersungkur dalam luka. Aku juga tidak akan mempertahankan rasa yang ada dalam hatiku – walaupun ia adalah milik dia.

Aku akan belajar untuk membiarkan rasa yang dipupuk itu pergi…. Sekiranya itu adalah akhirannya, aku juga tidak mungkin akan berpaling lagi… aku berharap agar cinta ini akan segera berlalu pergi….

FILEM KITA - Berbaloi ker?

Tak der banyak yang aku nak ceritakan hari ni, Cuma kebelakangan ni agak kecewa dengan pembikin filem filem tempatan. Aku tau, ramai pengarah, penerbit dan penulis skrip berlumba-lumba nak hasilkan filem untuk kaut keuntungan memandangkan dah ramai dari penonton di Malaysia yang mula menunjukkan sokongan dan minat terhadap ‘wajah kita’. Tapi bila penonton kita dah mula berikan tindakbalas yang baik .. pembikin filem pulak ambil ringan, walhal minda penonton haruslah dihidangkan dengan wadah yang seiring, sejajar dengan selera penonton. Ini tidak, kebanyakkannya hanya tamak dengan $$$, ambil ringan tentang kehendak penonton setempat lalu menghasilkan produk yang setakat ‘boleh jerla’.

Penerbit dan pengarah filem kita sekarang ni tak teliti langsung. Asal ada skrip yang agak-agak boleh jual, dia org sambar jer. Tangkap pelakon yang ada kredibiliti atau popular sikit dah boleh bikin filem. Boleh bikin filem yang masuk panggung, padahal kalau nak dibandingkan dengan banyak drama kat TV,banyak drama TV yang lebih baik dan bijak dari filem dia orang.

Tak usah lah nak cakap pasal mutu atau kualiti filem dia orang. Dari segi masa tayangan pun dah cukup buat aku terfikir, berbaloi ke aku sokong filem orang kita? Aku zahirkan rasa tak puas hati ni semata mata kerana aku adalah penyokong tegar filem-filem tempatan. Asal ada filem Malaysia yang masuk panggung, sehabis daya aku akan cuba untuk pergi menononton dengan sedikit harapan bahawa sekurang kurangnya ia memuaskan hati aku, jika tidak membuat aku ternganga sekalipun. Damping Malam, Aku Masih Dara, Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah... dan beberapa buah filem lagi.. rata-ratanya tak sampai dua jam. Ada beberapa filem tu, setakat I ½ jam jer. Korang fikirlah, dah kurang ke idea penulis skrip kita, atau terlampau nak cut budget tapi nak untung besar? Filem Barat macam Avatar, Pirates of the Carribean dan Unstoppable bayar RM 10, kadang-kadang sampai nak 3 jam tayangan, sampai kebas la jugak bontot duk dalam panggung tu. Ini belum lagi ambil kira skrip dan jalan cerita yang baik. Kalau nak bandingkan teknologi, aku memang tak nak komen sebab sedar, sumber, tenaga, dana dan juga kepakaran kita masih kurang. Jadi aku tak boleh buat perbandingan,sekadar berpuas hati dengan apa yang kita ada.

Yang lebih mengecewakan , aku berharap filem-filem semasa bersifat mendidik atau paling tidak pun memberi pengetahuan pada generasi muda sekarang. Tapi berapa banyak yang macam tu? Kalau ada pun, berapa banyak sangatlah moral yang pengarah kita tonjolkan. Kalau dada dengan punggung tu, banyak la yang dia orang eksploit!

Kebelakangan ni, musim filem seram membanjiri panggung Seluruh Malaysia.. tapi banyak mana filem seram kita yang bersifat fakta yang disampaikan oleh nenek moyang kita? Dahlah anak muda sekarang dah tak percaya benda benda ni semua, bila di ketengahkan dalam filem pulak banyak fakta menyeleweng yang dia orang reka dan masukkan. Macamana kita nak mengekalkan warisan nenek moyang kita, walaupun sekadar cerita tahyul, sedangkan apa yang dihidang pada penonton lebih banyak yang mengelirukan? Contohnya santau... orang kena santau gian makan telur mentah? Atau toyol berasal dari Budak Kecil yang mati? (yang ni tak termasuk la budak kecil tu di panggil Janin – fakta ni pun dah menyeleweng). Sampaikan keluarga sebelah abang Ipar aku mengetawakan filem Jangan Pandang Belakang, tentang hantu raya yang besar dan menyerupai tuannya, padahal inilah cerita mistik yang disampaikan oleh tok nenek kita dah berzaman-zaman. Yang betul di tertawakan yang rekaan di anggap ‘realistik’.

Baiklah, aku tak nak cerita panjang panjang... sebab tak ada orang pun yang nak baca blog ni, tapi sesungguhnya aku rindu cerita-cerita yang baik seperti EMBUN, MAGIKA, ANAK SARAWAK, ABANG 92 dan beberapa cerita lagi... tolonglah wahai pembikin filem filem Malaysia, kembalikanlah keyakinan aku terhadap wajah kita..

p/s : tahniah untuk Eja dan Hitler Zami untuk filem Janin. Walaupun aku tak berapa puas hati terhadap fakta cerita ni, tapi garapan yang agak baik dan juga lakonan yang baik dari Eja. Aku harap lebih banyak cerita cerita yang ada karisma macam ni.

Grand Slam!! Opening Act 2011

Semalam, lepas balik melepak dengan kawan aku kat Pandan Mewah, si Adan ajak aku pegi cruising some place, tapi aku nih agak penat (sebab pagi tu memasak nasi lemak dan bungkus dalam daun pisang sebanyak 79 bungkus as early as 4 am dan sebelum tu, tidur at 3am, akupun mencari mcm2 alasan. Tapi bila tau yang dia lately agak stressed-out with lots of things, kesian pulak. Terus ler aku mensuggest buat aktiviti lain yang aku rasa lebih relaxed. First, aku ajak dia tengok wayang, memandangkan panggung wayang dengan rumah kami tu hanya 5 minit jer. Bukak punya bukak website nak tengok citer apa yang tengah tayang skrg, 90% of the movie si Adan dah tengok (dia ni memang kaki wayang tegar... errr aku separuh tegar jer sbb aku baru tgk 60% cerita yang di tayangkan sekarang, sampai kalau korang perhati muka dia pun korang dah nampak mcm LED TV, sure kalau pasang Astro beyond, puashati korang tengok). Yang aku dan dia sama2 belum tengok cumer citer Tourist jer.. tapi memandangkan almost all reviews tentang this movie adalah tidak memberangsangkan (termasuk yang di ceritakan oleh Arip ngan Cak), kami decided to pass..

Teringat that earlier in the day, kami bercerita pasal bowling among us that sepanjang tahun 2009, memanjang aku kalah ngan si Adan ni. We always competing against ourselves, just for fun and bet benda yang mengarut ngarut yang tak boleh di dedahkan di sini. Hehe. Throughout 2010, aku conquer kebanyakan game yang kami main, thus the title dah berbalik pada aku. So aku suggest kami pegi main bowling ... kiranya opening Act untuk musim 2011 ler – LIGA K8-02-04. Call budak kat Ampang Superbowl, Ampang Point, tak angkat. Jadi gamble jerla pergi. Kami dah bincang, andai kata ada tournament malam tu, we will teruskan niat kami ker WangsaWalk aja. Lucky enough, walaupun ada tournament that night, masih ada lane kosong, so Zuriman placed us at far end for our own privacy! Berangan VVIPlah sangat kan?!!

The game begin... mcm ‘haramzade’ main. Hahahaha... bayangkan, dah lama tak main mcm beginner, tetiba malam tadi markah aku tak sampai seratus... gelak giler aku ... adik adik kat sebelah mcm kekwat jer sbb dorang dapat markah dalam 120... AJERR?!!! Tapi biasalah kan, resmi hero hero sedunia nih.. awal2 mcm ‘hangswa’, bila dah last last baru nak ok. Lepas tu terus ler nak menerjah ke angka 200 kan? Adik adik pun dah slowla sikit ke’eksyenan’nya!!. Tapi memandangkan game bowling ni ada Chroniclesnya, maka untuk yang pertama ni aku kalah di tangan Adan adanya... tapi dah resam hero kan, tadi rasmi ni resam pulak... last last nanti title Grand Slam ni, tetap akan jadi milik aku ... dengan Confidentnya.. amik semangat Azizulhasni Awang kanz?

Aksi bakal juara Musim 2011

Leburnya harapan Bekas juara yang kecundang!

(aiyooo perut aku dah mcm pin bowling dah)

Perhaps

Glancing through the pages here, I realised that this blog was here over a year and yet, the entry is so few compared to the other blog that I maintained at ekawan (tho I’ve never written that much these days). Perhaps I don’t have much stories to share, perhaps I’m too lazy to write, perhaps I’m buzy ... yet so many perhaps, perhaps. As if still in 2010, nothing much changed, not even the wrinkles on my face. I’m still at the same stage with no promising progress. I usually don’t make any resolution as I know, I hardly progress it, should I make one this year?

Even if I should, perhaps the only thing that I wish to do is becoming more prolific in the blogging community. Producing lots of entries, perhaps the educational one, perhaps the monotonous one, perhaps reminiscing my old days when I was younger or even, perhaps, loads of craps. It doesn’t matter, as long as being, perhaps, more prolific than I already were..

So friends and readers, I would like to wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR, and hoping that this year, will brings lots of good things for us to benefit from and give us joy to go through days in our lives from now till forever ... PERHAPS!

Present - UnExpected Weather Collection of 2009

1st month of 2009 dah pun nak abis and aku still macam ni, busy mcm genius sesangat!!. I guess a little late to talk abt new year but still some of us still so concern about it sampaikan banyak benda benda lama nak kena di perbaharui. Yela, sebelum new year hari tu mcm2 juga nak kena barukan, baju sekolah baru, then masuk sekolah dapat cikgu baru, the most common one is azam baru. Some jantan miangs nak tambah aweks atau bini baru. It is not a question of whether it is necessary or not tapi if you find ‘solace’ (bukan cerita James Bond) in it, why not kan?

Aku ni yang sebenornya, nak cerita pasal baru jugak. As we all maklum that tahun baru jugak bermakna kenala ada trend baru dalam berfesyen atau aksesori kan? Last new year kalau korang ingat aku juga pernah memperkenalkan dan menggemilangkan semula aksesori kepala yang satu masa dulu pernah menjadi pakaian yang melengkapkan satu persalinan iaitu ‘Tengkolok’ – refer my ekawan’s blog, early 2008. And this year, memandangkan badan aku tak der bentuk baru (tak susut susut jugak), jadi tak mungkinlah aku nak memperagakan pakaian yang akan hip in 2009 kan? Dah tentu tentu tak der orang nak meng’appreciate’ my effort. So this year, aku memperagakan satu lagi aksesori kepala. Ekoran dari komen yang aku terima dari blogger last year yang mengatakan bahawa aksesori yang aku featurekan dalam blog aku hanya sesuai untuk golongan lelaki, maka pada tahun ini aku telah mengembangkan pasaran sasaran aku kepada dua dua jantina. Aksesori kali ini bersifat unisex dan boleh digayakn oleh dua dua jantina termasuk pepondans hatta sekali pun.

Terima lah....

Unexpected Weather Collection 2009!

- Aksesori mesra alam yang juga mengamalkan konsep habis madu sepah dibuang; makan pisang & kulitnya jadikan penghias kepala dan bila kepala dah bersemut, buanglah kulit pisang tu yer?
- Aksesori ini juga terbahagi kepada beberapa warna, hijau(kulit pisang muda), kuning(kulit pisang masak) & juga merah (pisang raja udang)
- Aksesori yang juga boleh dijadikan senjata khianat – letakkan kulit ini dilaluan pejalan kaki yg biasanya dilalui musuh ketat kamu, nescaya ada yg akan tergelincir dan tergolek dog!
- Tak perlu membuang aksesori ini di pusat kitar semula.. cukup sekadar buang merata rata kerana komponennya terdiri dari bahan yang mudah terurai

A new home, a new different world

When I was six, my dad bought a piece of land somewhere closer to the center of the village and bought a second hand plank from Singapore to build a house on that land. I knew that they were overjoyed as it was my dad’s and mom’s hard earned money. As a small kid, I didn’t really know what difference will it make. Only a little excited, that we’re going to move to a bigger house with rambutan orchard across the street and lots of other houses nearby. At the same time, I was a little sad and nervous.

Sad because this mean I had to leave my old playground. A very big ‘Jambu Bol’ trees that my brother tied a rope at one of the branch where I used to climb and swung myself while pretending that I’m a tarzan, a wooden bridge that cross a canal that water the paddy field where I used to fish, using a bamboo twigs that my brother made for me. And until now, I remember vividly how I will throw away that fishing rod whenever my bait was caught by an eel rather than fish. I would scream my heart out and ran away when I snatched the rod and find that creature on my hook. I don’t know why, until now snakes and eels, really scares me. My brother grumbled a big deal every time this happened because that means he has to do another one for me. I was nervous too when I think that there will be a lot more other people. Will I be able to find my own secret kingdom and play without them seeing me?

After two months of hard-work, the house was almost completed. Only that they didn’t have enough plank for a wall for the kitchen. So, they decided to use the plank in the house that we stayed at that moment. My eldest brother had to demolish the wall in one of the bedroom where I was sleeping, two nights before we’re scheduled to move to our new home. At dawn, my dad will light a camp fire beside the broken wall of my bedroom to chase away mosquitoes and any other insects. And for that two nights me and my sister almost didn’t sleep but keep on talking and giggling all through the night while thinking that we’re camping out in the woods.

That very day came, I sat on my dad’s motorbike and he brought us to our new home and that was in the middle of 1980’s.

Putih - 1978

I was a very shy little boy. The sight of strangers will only drawn me to the back of the nearest family member. Probably living quite far from the rest of the villagers made me feel inferior or maybe I’m lack of curiosity.. My house to the nearest neighbour is about half a mile. So, it’s hardly anyone else beside my family that I see, and our house is the 2nd last house of the village and it’s not the road that people pass by everyday. I guess, that could be a contributing factor of this little shyness that I possessed.

I don’t have any friend as a little boy, and funny enough I don’t have any imaginary friends too. The only friend that I had was a billy goat that was as huge as a calf. Who only listened to me and my parents but keep chasing, kicked and butted the rest of my siblings around the house whenever he was escaped from his rope. I called him ‘Putih’ (White), because unlike any other goats, he had quite a delicate and almost white fur. I used to ride him round the house and the nearest bushes during the day, and as a token folded my legs and let him butt my kneecap with his head as a gesture that we’re playing. I loved putih very much that most of my time was spent with him. I would sometimes bring my food on the plate and eat beside him while he was busy gnawing on the grass (probably thinking that we’re having a nice conversation while having our meal).

Putih became very fierce after some times that the sight of anyone else beside us (me and my parents), will only make him wanted to butt them. This has worried my parents and after much thought, they decided to sell him off to one Pak Haji who wanted to do ‘Aqiqah’. I was histerical when the news came and for the next few days, I rode him till I fell asleep on his back for several hours, only to wake up and wept again, knowing that we’ll have to depart very soon. And strangely enough, Putih became less aggressive and most of the time will be beside the staircase where I was sitting, looking blankly at the road infront of the house.

The day came.. Pak Haji came with a lorry to transport Putih .. and again I was more than histerical when I saw him tugged the rope and Putih didn’t even struggle. I thought I hated Putih for a while for wanted to leave me that he didn’t make any effort to escape. Then I saw a glint of tears at his eyes and immediately knew that he was sad too. When the lorry drove off, I chased it for a few yards then fell on my knees and wept for the lost I can’t replace...

Then.. the 1970's

I was born in a small village and spent my early years in a two rooms wooden house very near to a paddy field. My mom work as a rubber tapper and my dad was an overseer in a company called Malacca Oil Palm Plantation. We may not be rich, in-fact we're poor, but the love that was given to us by our mom and dad could surpass any luxury the world could offer. I felt richer.. and happy; that at times when I looked back.. I always cried to realise how lucky I am.

We have a beautiful small house, surrounded by a lot of trees and some bougenvillae that my mom planted whenever she got time to do that. Across the street facing to our house, there are bamboo trees that often gave me both beautiful sight and eerie feelings. I always like the smell of it after rain and in the morning and the sight of a rain or dew drops on their leaves. I couldn't explain quite how, but I felt at ease whenever I looked at it.

At the back of the house, there's a well that we use for bathing and washing. It often reminded me of how fun it was, throwing the pail in the well and pull it up, felt the water splash on my chest and feet, the clattering teeth and shivering body from it's coldness. On some days we even had fish that got into the pail; that my brother will catch and put them in the 'tempayan' with all other fishes that were caught before.

On most weekends, when my sister and brother was not schooling, we will spent the morning at the well washing our clothes, especially their school uniforms, school shoes etc, My sister will do the washing, my brother will pick the water and I will stay in the basin, playing with the water while pretending that I'm swimming in a pond or a lake with my brother every now and then will pour the water from the pail onto my head.